Closeted Affairs
by Ruritanian Nightmare
Summary: After a wild morning, an eloquent boy and an eloquent girl find themselves trapped within the confines of a closet. Things quickly take a turn for the profane. Will the two leave eloquent man and woman? Rated M for scandalous content.


I was reading some stories (okay, smut lol) on Fiction Press and there were some like this. Thusly, I decided to write one as well, the obvious pair being these two. x3 As I was writing it, however, it became something less straight-forward than I had initially intended it to be, yet I allowed my fingers to do the thinking and here it is. Do enjoy!

Fujiko consumed a puff of breath before its particles could impregnate the atmosphere as the footwear of another assaulted her ears with their profligate tone. The pressure of her ally's being against hers depressed her ability to act within their limited quarters, which consisted of simply a narrow closet within the room of their hotel. Soon enough, a noise of flouting pierced into their hearing range before the assailant was thought to leave; wherefore, they did not have any inclination of.

Fujiko gained the confidence to speak. "I think he left. Do you think he will ever find us here?"

Jigen gnawed on the cigarette between his lips before speaking with a sullen tone, "If not before, then certainly now, you insolent cad."

"Do you think Lupin saw?"

"I do not bear his eyes."

"Well he will not very well know to look for us if he did not see," Fujiko spoke in a dismal murmur.

"He would not need to look for us had you not chosen to run out on the bill like a child. While we are on the subject, why the desire to drag me along? 'Tis like I always speak, women are no good no how. They are nothing but affliction in wait."

"Oh, that's it, Jigen. Insult the women of the universe. Did you ever consider that perhaps I would not need to run out on the bill were it not for your insistance upon imported coffee? Or, excuse me, 'café'."

Jigen raised his shoulders in an act of apathy. "You _would_ allow them to pour feces down your throat so long as you obtained a free meal from it."

"Are you insinuating something?" Fujiko inquired, her stare propelling daggers in the direction of the wall. "Now you listen here!" She turned herself around in order to educate him on the matters of a woman's feelings, yet she stopped short upon encountering the caress of a swollen lump. Her smile grew malevolent, although reticently, it was causing an effect of piloerection. "Why you asinine little cockmuncher, your body has chosen to do all the insinuating for you. And here I always thought you took it up the ass."

"What?" Jigen could not believe the valor of that woman; to think he of all men was a homosexual? "Oh, you meant my dick." Jigen, too, cracked a smirk at her naiveté and thrust his revolver outward. Very well, he thought; she could assume it to be his most valued appendage for the nonce. "You thought I was attracted to men, did you? For your information, I could fuck the very vital fluids right out of you."

"Oh yes?" Fujiko spoke, her tone laced with distrust; it was followed with a mocking chortle. "That's a rather powerful declaration. I would like to see you try. It is too bad I would _never_ lay with a man of such... questionable taste in fetish."

"That's very well, because I would never lay with such a tart, floozy, or jezebel."

An exhale of exasperation rung from Fujiko's flush lips. "There you go insinuating things again. If I didn't have standards, I'd be bedding you."

"You act as if I didn't notice your horripilation. I can feel it, Fujiko. Guess I'm not the only one with questionable taste."

Fujiko gasped, surprised indeed. "What of it? If you hadn't noticed, it's cold in here."

"I'm not cold," he spoke, rendering her words feckless. "In fact, I think you're feeling quite... febrile." As if to prove his statement, he took her from the shoulders and charged her into the wall, his humid tongue poking through her flabby shields of lip. Their mouths smoldered with a vehement mélange of animosity and inveterated sexual tension. If he didn't know better, he would speculate that it was attenuating her knees by a small amount. "Tell me, Fujiko, is it true that a woman's horripilation is sharpest on the breasts?" he demanded between intakes of oxygen. His quest for knowledge was never-ending, even while romancing a woman.

"Why don't you touch them and find out?" Fujiko spoke, the peak of her ensemble plunging to her waist.

He brushed against her gooseflesh-the supple gooseflesh of a woman. "I would say it is valid," he declared.

"Well, Jigen, you showed me. I'm being completely drained of my vital fluids here."

At that moment, Jigen became aware of her intentions. He had not suspected that his test would ricochet, and that she would test him in return. "I... am not in possession of a condom."

"You silly man. I have pills for that," Fujiko offered in defense, libidinous fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt as she continued to distract his lips from disagreement. By the time she stopped, he was stripped bare, aside from the pool of cloth at his feet, and his fingertips rested at her waist where her dress and undergarments remained. Searing heat grazed his ear as she whispered into it with a quiet tone, "Now be a good boy and fuck me."

During the kiss, he had made up his mind, his pupils hidden beneath a fleshy screen while he imagined decidedly moisturized, yet bulky hands stroking his body. He was going to take one for the team to prove himself. After all, it wasn't like he was a fag or anything so unthinkable. "You asked for it."

Fujiko gasped. "You're not hard, you're a fucking rock!"

"I knew it would be too much for you."

"I didn't say stop, you cum-guzzling douche nozzle!"

"If you weren't so goddamned mendacious, perhaps I would know what you mean."

"I told you to fuck me, not fuck off to the sound of your own voice."

"Compared to you, my voice is outrageously fuckable."

"That's it Jigen, I'm so unfuckable that you're fucking me right now. Great logic. Deeper, you fucking imbecile!"

"Shut up, woman. I know how to do this."

"Then do it, you futile oaf."

"Fine," Jigen deadpanned.

The closet rained with Fujiko's moans and orders with not a peep from Jigen's lips until she punched him in the stomach.

"Ow. What the fuck?"

"I'm getting there, fuckwit. Now give it to me properly, you cockfaced swine."

Mirth spread across Jigen's lips. "Shut it, harlot."

Her vocal chords exploded with a great cry, hot fluids streaming out of her.

"I told you you would lose your very vital fluids." He tossed the stolen pistol to the ground, readorning himself in his usual items. As he stepped out of the closet, he lowered his fedora. "The day I fuck a woman is the day _I_ get fucked by one of these." He pressed his lips gingerly against his safety blanket, his beloved revolver and walked off.


End file.
